Coaching With Peta

Why might you want Peta as your coach?

Let me ask you a question.

What would it be like to know that you have a way of being that serves you perfectly, allowing your true self to emerge and be wonderful?

What would it be like to know that you have a unique and powerful destiny waiting for you to connect with it?

What would it be like to live each day as a perfect day, taking life as it comes, feeling good about whatever happens, not allowing the emotions to cloud your field of possibilities?

Pretty good eh?

If what you are about to read resonates with you, we may work well together, call me on 0700 4 354 784 or mail me Contact at top of this page under email.

In a a personal empowerment session, we will talk and as we do I will pick up what you do, what you say, how you say it, what movements you make and general body language and feed it back to you with my comments. I will ask you questions that lead you to consider what's possible and not what's problematic.

A series of three sessions will really help you to operate from a sense of who you truly are at your best, knowing that you have a destiny and a sense of connection with the world. I will teach you how to model what YOU do when you are being truly you and having the time of your life.

You will also understand how the sense of being at your best coupled with connection and a sense of destiny, gives you the perfect playground to really live your life to the ful, whatever that means for you.

Why might someone want a coach?

Every day you will think over 60 million thoughts If you are not flirting and connecting successfully it is probably because most of those 60 million thoughts are negative!

Some of us mis-programme ourselves on a regular basis

You may talk badly to yourself “He/she wouldn’t be interested in me”

You may see yourself failing or being rejected yet again “I’m bound to get another ‘no’"

You may feel the fallout from what hasn’t even happened yet “I’ll just get hurt so why bother”

Some of us are mis-programmed by parents, siblings, teachers

“You’ll never be a charmer like your brother”
“It’s such a pity you inherited your father’s looks”
“Stop dreaming of what you can’t get, find yourself a steady job and buckle down!”

Often well meant, these attitudes don’t create self-confident, socially attractive individuals

Some of us are mis-programmed by past events like rejection.

Do you store your 'bad' memories in in-the-moment, full-on technicolour and sensurround every painful detail, replaying it over and over in your head until you create a horror show that freezes you like a rabbit in the headlights?

Most of what you are creating for yourself is unwanted garbage

Time to sling it in the bin and give your mind a spring clean!

Remember, if your brain can create all this bad stuff, it’s just as capable of creating good stuff too.

Lifestyle coaching is designed to banish the blocks that prevent people from believing in their ability to attract others into their lives and replacing negativity with positive hope and joy!

Lifestyle coaching works by teaching you how to recreate your individual internal world. We blank out the bad movie, erase the lousy sounds, banish the bad feelings and teach you to replace them with oscar winning performances, sweet music and feelgood sensations of YOU at your very Best.

Who might benefit from coaching?

Some people just feel too shy or concerned to expose themselves in a group. That's fine, there are courses for horses in my work. Many people have called me and suggested that they would like one or two private sessions before they attend my workshops. Other people just want the luxury of a private session!

You probably have your own personal fears, self-doubts and insecurities about your ability to interact socially with great success.

It may be you don't know when to stop flirting, or it may be that you can't bring yourself to flirt when you need to.. Whatever the challenge, for you a few one-to-one sessions might be just the ticket to get you out there starting to have fun.

I am currently seeing a number of clients who came to me as a result of reading my book or hearing about my flirting workshops but were grateful that I also offered an alternative more personally focused service. It may be for you...READ ON and find out!

What is my coaching based on?

I use a mixture of NLP [neuro-linguistic programming] changework [I am a licensed trainer of NLP trained by the originator Richard Bandler over 3 years] and the MythoSelf TM process of which I am one of only 12 licensed facilitators in the UK.

The MythoSelf TM process helps you to know how you do yourself at your best and model what's great about you. You will discover your perfect personal blueprint, feel how you embody it and learn how to re-access it more and more so that you begin to live and interact with the world from the core of who YOU are! It's about possibilities that derive from being at your best and knowing you are ocnnected to the world.

NLP is a methodology, and attitude and technology around excellence and what can be modelled from it. The originators of NLP modelled excellent communicators and found out that they had certain physiological patterns, and used language that was both influential and created a positive perception of past and future events. In short they learnt that people have control over their emotions and thoughts and that their brains can not only create bad patterns but also good ones. It is those good patterns that I help you to generate and use to create a better life for you!

Types of coaching available and Rates

How do I use it in coaching?

NLP is just one of the tools in my kit. It is something that I have blended with other things to create uniquely powerful sessions and coaching programmes. I am also one of the few Mythoself tm Facilitators in the UK. Check out the mythoself page on this site for more info.

And I know which clients are right for me because I set it up in my mind the kind of poepp;le I want to work with. You too should have a good idea of what you want in a coach or therapist. Beware of wanting them to use specific techniques. A good coach is intuitive and skilled and brings to the session whatever he or she feels the client would most benefit from.

Everyone is totally unique. I engage you with questions and watch and listen for the clues my client gives. I work with the client using their own sensory perceptions of the world to recreate feelings, sights and sounds so that things appear differently. T Each client is totally unique so my flirting coaching is tailored to YOU and no one else. I don't use techniques. I do what works for you.

I will bring to our coaching sessions the powerful methods and ways of changing that I have used on myself over the past 10 years. I know it works because I turned around my own life, by reprogramming my perceptions and expectations and discovering and working from who I really am. When I observe, listen and sense, I find myself doing what is right for YOU at the moment I am with YOU, based on what YOU demonstrate or tell to me, often hidden in the way you use your words, what words you use, the movements that you make and a host of minimal clues you give out. Here are some examples:

Example 1 – shut up those voices and start talking nice to yourself!

This client was fed up with never getting further with women than being a brother to them. Admittedly he was no Mel Gibson, but look around, it's not just the lookers who are married or in happy relationships. But, like everyone, he had some great qualities - humour, intelligence.

When I listened to him, I noticed that as he described his approach to women, I sensed some movement in his eyes that suggested he could be recalling some kind of sounds and that they might be self-talk.[People move their eyes to different places depending on whether they are mentally accessing visuals, sounds or feelings or even self talk].

I asked him 'What happens just before you approach a woman?'. I had to get him to rewind an event and slow down to find minimal clues], but he finally realised with much surprise that he said to himself

"Nothing much will come of this". Boy was he setting himself up for a fall and indeed nothing much did come of these encounters. He might make friends, but nothing more. Making friends is a great step towards flirting for getting a date, sex and longer term things but this client stopped there. And that’s what he got, just good friends. We worked with his internal voices and changed them. I gave him some exercises to do in positive self talk, to replace the voices with those of someone he considered very sexy and to change the words to 'mmmm lovely lady - who knows what great things might come of this'.

I got him to visualise himself charming the pants of someone [not quite literally] and encouraged him to believe that he would pull with his charm and humour - after all my poll reveals that humour is the major factor women look for in a man, followed by confidence. Interesting stuff eh? This doesn’t mean that sexuality is not important. We are all sexual beings and should be aware of the sexual energy that exists in all encounters. Some of us need to learn how to turn our sexuality up or down as appropriate. This client turned it off completely which prevented him sending out those signals women pick up on at an unconscious ‘below stairs’ level. Others turn it up too often and too high… All these challenges can be resolved in the work I do with people. In this client’s case he came to see me for 3 sessions.

Example 2 - Change the way the picture is held and you change the reaction inside

This is not a flirting example, but it is such a clear indication of how NLP works so well that I included it. Many people who are not getting the results they want in love can be helped just as easily.

My client wanted to drive a 40 ton lorry for a living. He didn't want to spend the considerable sum of money required to get his licence because 'he couldn't see himself getting into such a large lorry'. When he told me this I asked him where he saw this [I suspected that if he couldn't see himself getting into the lorry he either couldn't visualise it OR he was visualising it in such a way that it made it too challenging for him].

I worked with his picture, making it smaller, and then did some work on raising his resources. What was good in his life? He had talked earlier about his children...with obvious joy, so I led him to that subject. Their birth and his being present at it changed his facial expressions, brought colour to his face and started him breathing differently. I asked him if that felt good and where he felt it. He nodded vigorously and pointed to an area around his chest, patting it with his hand.

Richard Bandler said once 'your client will tell you EVERYTHING you need to know'. How true. When you hone up your sensory acuity and use what people give you, you can really shift things.

I used these positive resources to counteract his bad feelings, got him to literally walk into the future and see his by now small picture of him getting into a lorry [yes I got him into it in his mind, once I shrunk the picture down to manageable size] whilst he accessed thoughts of his family and what it would mean to them having the extra income.

At the end he shook his head like people do when they have experienced something almost unbelievable. He kept saying, I feel so changed. RESULT and a great one. AND it was recorded for TV too!

Copyright © 1999 Peta Heskell

Example 3 - Here come da judge!

She is 35, attractive and wanting to find a partner. I don't know what happened specifically, but we just started talking and laughing. She had an ironic sense of humour. I started to discover how she was at her best. She sat up and opened out a little [she had been sitting very tensely and as if closed in on herself and stiff and I felt her trying to hold herself in. She said at her best she was warm, sexy and passionate. She also said, hmm warm is not a word I use for myself.

Then for whatever reason that came into my mind from some unconscious realisation of her accessing her best, I got her to open out..'Open your legs, access the deepest sense of you, right from between your legs'.. and I started some hypnotic conversational talk.. she looked at me entranced...she smiled sort of but she did it.. she changed..
Somehow I had this instinct about her opening out.
She mentioned her mother.. her Jewish mother, whose whole life appeared to be one of continuous judgement of others.. she also remarked how herself had learned this judgemental stuff. She accessed a certain side of her body and looked in a place.. As she did so, I looked there and laughed..I started to imitate what she might be saying in a jokey way 'he's no good, he's got too dark blue eyes, his left toe is .5 of a centimeter too long.. etc joking outrageously and then said, 'so you put on the curly wig and kvetch and complain'.. in a jewish accent.. she laughed so much.. so each time the judgemental word came out, or she looked over there, I said, curly wig time.. again in the Jewish accent.. more laughter..

I noticed that when she started to think of herself at her best, she was looking far away and not moving much, then she started to move.. and it seemed as if it was getting more into her body. She talked about drawing stuff to her and moved her hands in unison towards each shoulder.. I got her sitting up straight with legs apart, moving her hands back and forth and asked her how it was.. her face changed colour and I made her do more of it.. and asked her


"Like this, what's possible.. ?"
"Everything" she replied.


I gave her an exercise to do, god knows why I did it.. it was instinctive.. I told her to sit quietly for 5 mins and practice this like yoga. rocking her hands back and forth until she started to get that feeling.. and also re-inforced the curly wig thing.so that it would get triggered when she went judgemental

She said she was no good at 'homework'. so I said 'What?, you want to come to me for the rest of your life and pay and pay and pay great.. if that's what you want.. or you can help yourself some.. " she laughed.

I want her to come back mostly because I know that I can continue to do this work with her until she is ready to lock it into some future intent.. and she has already started by giving up a solid career, to follow her art, working with her hands, so she's on the edge of greatness...and I'm gonna love working with her.. until she's ready to go... and watch her fly.... soon..it's such fun..
 

Example 4 - Sexuality awareness - turn it up or down, never off!

Toby came to me for flirting tips. We went to a local bar to work. We sat and chatted and we did a lot of stuff.. towards the end, I remembered my mentor demonstrating on myself and another girl how he could suddenly do a look that for a moment talked to us 'below stairs'. He had turned up the sexuality.

That was a wow for me. That one could do this turning it on and off and become so sexually attractive.. and also keep it down in normal interactions so as to maintain the level of attraction and thus communication where it belonged.. above stairs! If I could teach people to do this, wouldn't it be amazing. I felt sure it was a clue to the problems so many men face of not being desired by women in a sexual way, only in a friendly way. They must be turning it off!

I told Toby this story, and a few others, and then did the look to him.. and he went WOW! How can I do that. I told him it was about being able to calibrate his sexuality..from really low and resting to completely turned on. He could then go up the scale and discover the different phases.. as he turned it up, so he could do the look... I won't go into details here but I got him to access in his mind a level of his sexuality but with respect and without luridity. And I was playful and reminded him this was just about helping him learn about himself.

He was extremely happy with this new realisation and I suspect it will give him the edge he needed to be more himself and put himself out there more. On my recommendation he is also taking dance lessons from an NLP merengue teacher!

Joseph Riggio once told me that some clients will kick in after getting just one thing in a single session, whilst at the other end of the scale, some may spend a long time searching for what they already have. Only you will know.

Doing this kind of work is joyful and fun and it works.. and its a whole form approach.. as my Joseph told me long ago,[in paraphrase] its about bringing them to the realisation in whole form of what is for them the best way to be, and to access this and operate more and more from this space, and then its about locking in this and your awareness of your place in the world, to an intent for how you your life is to be and drawing towards you what is already waiting for you out there.

How does this work relate to flirting or non-flirting?

I will work with you in the same way I worked with this client – observing your movements, speech and behaviour and working to correct what is preventing you from making progress. What I do with you will be what is right for YOU and YOU alone [not alone for long though!!!] I will be Asking you questions, listening to your words, watching your movements, noticing where you put your hands how your body shifts and face changes. For example, If you say you are frozen [as one client did] , immediately I begin to think 'will 'melting' help here'? How does being frozen serve a positive purpose for them? How can we unfreeze them.

Types of coaching available and Rates

You can change block-building beliefs about your ability to flirt and connect

Many people who want to flirt or connect with others just can't do so because they are blocking themselves in some way. How they do the blocking is very unique and individual to them. It may be something they created as a result of a past experience, a kind of protection. It might be something they visualise, voices they hear, feelings that immobilise or frighten them. Some women believe that 'there are no men out there' or that 'all the good ones are taken'. Some men believe that they will always get rejected. These kind of beliefs will prevent you from connecting with someone. If we think things will go bad for us, invariably we will gravitate towards or create circumstances for us to justify our beliefs.

The good news is that beliefs can be changed. After all at one time you believed in Santa Claus or the Tooth Fairy, now you don't. In order to create great beliefs, I work with my clients to recognise their unique qualities and develop a body of evidence that supports these beliefs.

You are truly perfect, wonderful and unique

My work is about helping you to unfold the true wonder of you. “We are all meant to shine as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory within us” Those words quoted at his inaugural speech by Nelson Mandela, are a guiding light to how we can be. All it takes is for you to discover what is truly great about you and know how you store that in your body and access it more and more.

Once you begin to realise, with my help, your true blueprint, the old beliefs seem to fade away as you realise that anything is possible. Only then can the flirting tips and techniques help you to polish your social interaction skills and become flirtier and more fun to be around.

Copyright © 1999 Peta Heskell

You can reframe 'failure' and 'rejection'

They always say no - I'll never get a date.. STOP programming yourself with bad messages!! What happened once need not happen again. What happens happens but it's how you choose to sense and make sense of it that counts.

Failure should not be a sign to give up but a sign that you need to do something different or try someone new! It is not a prompt to give up!

• How often do you create massive generalisations using words like 'always', 'never' 'no-one'.
• How often do you use the words 'can't' or 'impossible'.
• How quickly do you give up after failing to get the results you want? Once, twice, three times?

When you were learning to walk, did your carer say each time you fell down - "well dear, you obviously won't succeed at walking so you had better give up and accept your shortcomings"? Of course s/he didn't. S/he just encouraged you to keep trying, and you did and soon you walked easily and effortlessly. I will help you to refocus on day to day events by looking for the possibilities not the barriers.

If no one asks you out for a year or if you get a ‘no’ when you ask someone out or, what do you do? Do you say 'that's it, no one wants to go out with me'. If you do then that may be what's stopping you. You have just given up. Good sales people know that failing to get the result they want when they ask is just an indication that they are one step closer to success. Susan Bradley,an American flirt coach says that when you get a knock back there's just one word to remember 'NEXT'. I wholeheartedly agree. A ‘no’ is not about rejection, it is about someone making a decision that is right for them and you wouldn't want to end up with someone who doesn't like YOU when there are so many more out there who will!

How I can help you.

After reading about how I work, you may be thinking, now you can get help to change, how much different will your life be! Stop thinking and start doing. After all you won't experience any changes unless you take the first step and pick up the phone to call me or send me an email.

Now click on the link below to find out about

Coaching page for rates and types